The Embarassing Incident

Okay, so this event is so embarassing I can't even tell my husband about it. Everytime I think of trying I get giggly and start crying at the same time. I think it's because it's really funny, but it would be much funnier if it didn't happen to me.

So, we go boating a lot. That means I have to shave a lot. Shaving legs sucks, but is bearable. I am really tired of shaving my bikini line because I end up with ouchy ingrown hairs. I decided to try waxing. (You can tell where this is headed...)

I bought a do-it-yourself-in-the-microwave kit. I started on a section way too big. I pulled. It hurt. I gave up. I pulled the fabric off minus my hair and most of the wax. I did not realize this would be the biggest mistake of all.

Wax is sticky. The kit came with a bottle of wax remover. I tried to use it, but it didn't seem to do much. I tried to scrape it off with an applicator stick. It just spread around some more. I decided to hop in the shower and see where that got me. None of the wax seemed to be coming off. I decided to soak in the tub for a while. That might have helped a little.

This whole time I have been scrubbing and scraping trying to get the wax off. I have wax coating my fingers and under my nails. I finally drain the bath and turn on the shower again. I keep using more wax remover, which now seems to be sticking to my skin about as much as the wax, only it is slippery, not sticky. Then I tried to use my apricot scrub. Then more wax remover. Then more apricot scrub. Repeat.

I decide to try and shave it off since that's what I was trying to accomplish in the first place. I ruin a razor blade and throw it away.

I am trying hard not to break down in tears at this point. I'm completely mortified, so I haven't wanted to call hubby for help. Luckily he is downstairs in his own little world working on computers.

I am making a little (very slow) progress through all of this, only to realize that now my hands are completely coated in wax, and that is has spread to my thigh, my belly, and some must have drifted around in the bath because there's a spot on my butt too. I start trying to think of anything around the house that might get this stuff off of me. I decide that I will probably have the most luck with the dish soap. It gets greasy mechanic hands clean; why not me?

I carefully open the bathroom door and call out to hubby. No answer. I then streak through the house full speed to the kitchen, grab the dish soap and run back, leaving tell-tale wet footprints across the whole house. I quickly shut and lock the bathroom door again, hop back in the shower and start scrubbing. I keep using the wax remover and apricot scrub too. After cycling through a couple of times, I feel almost human again. By this point, I think I have been in the shower for an hour and a half.

I get out and start to dry off, only to have the towel stick to random spots. I jump back in the shower and give it another go. I finally get clean enough to dry off without sticking, so I get out on put on PJs (which do still stick to my butt a little). I spent the rest of the evening trying to pick wax out from under my nails.

Moral of the story: leave waxing to the professionals. If you are cheap, just stick to what you know.